And it’s easier than you think.
My client Jane.
Jane (not her real name) first entered my office in an agitated state. She repeatedly touched her hair, clenched her hands, and crossed and re-crossed her legs. She plopped down in the chair opposite and immediately began to talk.
“I just can’t slow down. I’m constantly exhausted. I’m stressed. I know I need to stop but I can’t seem to relax. I don’t eat much but I’m putting on weight, yet I go to my weekly spin classes and gym classes.”
Jane then went on to tell me that her period had stopped and that she might be entering perimenopause. She had begun to have night sweats and palpitations and was struggling to sleep. She would then wake feeling exhausted and the cycle would continue.
Jane lives on caffeine and only gets time to cram in a sandwich whilst helping with her kid’s art project or making their tea at 4 pm. By the time she sits down at 8 pm at night, she can’t be bothered to eat properly so she has a glass of wine, nibbles on some crisps and crawls to bed around 11 pm.
Jane spends her day working, fetching groceries, cleaning her house, doing the laundry, visiting her elderly mother, and picking up and dropping off the kids from and to school and kids clubs. She also feels that she has to say yes to any pleas for help from friends and family and struggles to say no.
When Jane tells me about her typical day she blurts it all out and then bursts into tears. “I’m overwhelmed. Tired of this hamster wheel and don’t know how to get off.” Jane feels that she has to be all to everyone; she can’t say no to ‘being there’ for everyone and needs to fix everyone’s problems for them. As a result, Jane finds herself rushing from one thing to another, never taking the time for herself or doing a ‘check-in’ with how she’s feeling. All that she knows is that she is tired, overwhelmed and stressed.
There’s a reason why women like Jane struggle to say no and usually, that reason is fear. They fear that they won’t be liked or loved if they say no. They fear that people…